A Devil's Fate

00:40 æt 6.8.11

So I've lived here for four years now, and I'm moving this August. I'd like to note that not a single friend was made, temporal or buddy alike. The longest amount of time I ever stayed in any high-school class was one semester, once, in History and Religion where I liked debates in order to stir up the pot. Everything else I was often too sick to attend or psychologically unwilling anyway. I went not to a single dance, club, or meeting.

So what did I do? I sat here and thought for myself for four years. Undertaking all that crossed my mind, thus developing in a way I scarcely see others still in school do. I've seen my train of thought evolve from exposure to whatever crossed my way, not what I was given for homework. I deem my ideology of four years ago as childish, and no not in the sense of "oh god I can't believe I thought those glasses were cool lololol", I mean in politics and philosophy and morality and scientific understanding and rationality and humanity and existence as a whole. I've matured far more than what I see around me.

How is "The world ain't perfect" or "You just gotta do it", the answer to anything that can be fixed? And yet that is the mentality I see, and it's driven me to a state of intellectual laziness whereby I just don't give a fuck, with a fiery passion. And all I see is restriction, from when I was corrected for colouring in Jesus the wrong shade of brown, up until earlier this year in a grade 12 class where I got a reduced score on my poetry homework for not exactly representing the picture on hand. And now because I broke off from the herd I'm deemed insufficient, not based on what I did by myself, but what I didn't do like everybody else. This place I've lived in for the past four years has both shackled me and set me free.

I want to teach people. I want to dedicate my life so that others can better understand their own, and learn as much as I can along the way. That's a life worth living in my own books. If you happen to agree to me, that's great, and if you don't agree, then all to ya. What's truly important is that you take from this. Take from it and run. So welcome to the dark side, my friend. It's our job to screw in a few lightbulbs.

Labels: personal